I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
