What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
