Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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