now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
