you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
