Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
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I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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