I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
