I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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