This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
