I hope mine doesn't look like that
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in itâ€
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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