he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
