Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
