Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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