cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
