No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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