My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
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Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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