There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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