something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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