I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
