if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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