Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Is it penis luge time yet?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
