I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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