I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
