I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
