Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
