Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Operation Purity has been aborted
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
