Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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