Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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