No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
