Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
