I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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