just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
