Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
