Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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