Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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