Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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