i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
