he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
