So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i think i just lost a toe
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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