i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
