Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Randomize
