For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
