We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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