K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
one might say we're banned from that church
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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