i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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