i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
