butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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