That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
