dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
