Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
