Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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