I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i out mim tonsoeep
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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