Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
