My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
