the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
