Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
