you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
