fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
