Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
