Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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