Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
