I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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