Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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