just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
