Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
