You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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