ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
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So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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