There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
