totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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