Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
