i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
