and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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