How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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