Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
