i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Drunk is a universal language darling
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