What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we're so committed to being not committed
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize