I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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