I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
