I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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