You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
