Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
