I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
