Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
