Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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