Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There r osticjed everywhere
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
