I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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