I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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