I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
