Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
3 2 1 whiskey
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
